It is 9:42 PM here in Melbourne, Australia and I am as clueless as a joke. I am trying to find the meaning of life? No, probably just trying to figure out my personality at this point. Questioning every virtue in the law of society that abides by insulting people who are not according to as they should please. Is this concerning? Or, am I over analysing because I don’t fit into 36-24-36 construct.

I am a 26-year-old woman who has been living in this beautiful city for four years, now. I have had my share of bearings and obstacles, but it never stopped me from moving forward and closer to my ultimate goal. A part of me is an absolute badass and mindful of her achievements, and then there is another one, who can’t let go off the fact that I am fat. There I said it. The word that I have been dreading to address myself with is an outright license for anyone to shame me and unacknowledge all that I am as a person because in a patriarchal assembly I or people like me, don’t exist, or if we do, then it is sold in the name of body positivity, in a day’s business. How am I supposed to feel positive when I am judged, for being too much, one might wonder? Two facts to answer and take one for the team is that I am a woman, and I am not your regular beauty standards.

When I am asked about, what went wrong? I can’t muster the patience to relive every moment that I lost in this process of change. All I come up with is depression and stress eating. Living away from home has been a life-changing lesson. Hence why, in the process of becoming, I have lost and found myself in different situations. I have found love, and I have lost love, I have gained pounds, and I have stopped giving a fuck. There have been moments when I have felt disoriented and cried my way into a spiral. Yes, I have felt sidetracked for a moment, but nothing has ever demotivated me enough to give up. Having spent years struggling with body image issues, listening to people blabber about only one thing, ‘if you’ll lose some, you’d be much better’, ‘why don’t you lose some?’, ‘Oh no! your weight looks good on you because you’re tall’, ‘you just need to tone’, ‘you aren’t thinking to get married looking like that?, I mean the girl’s gotta look her best.’

The last one’s my favourite, I mean it is so problematic that the person who said that didn’t even feel that they were extensively imprudent and ignorant.
Coming from a highly cultural Punjabi background, I know what weddings look like in our Indian society; but I used to think that the most that can go wrong at a wedding are either the food being shitty or either groom or bride not arriving at it or dowry. But how is my body an obstacle?

I recently started working out, I have not been regular at it but I try to keep up with it. The reason behind working out was never the trigger, to be honest, it was a realisation that working from home can be many things and one of them is giving you shortness of breath and unnecessary backaches.
Now I am still not asking for an opinion, I never did. But trust me when I say it,
you can change the way you look,
you can enhance your speeches,
you can learn anything new to flaunt,
But, you can never change the way you think about somethings and how it can reflect upon yourself and others, negatively.

Acceptance is the key!

Thank you